What He Wants: Authenticity

The You He Wants

By Marc Alexander
How many women do you know who feel it necessary to squeeze into spanx, throw on a weave and dye their hair in order to get a man’s attention?   Magazines and movies would have you believe that men want skinny, drinking-straw-looking women.  But ladies, the media and this American fast-paced, microwaved, sex-inflated culture we move around in will make you get it twisted. 

Much like the scene in I’m Going to Get You Sucka’” when Kennan Ivory Wayans thought he was getting a the seemingly busty, long-haired, shapely Ann Marie Johnson but instead ended up being with a bald-headed one-legged flat-chested woman with self-esteem issues, who would you be if you shed your politics, airs, and learned behaviors? Would you be somebody you like or somebody you remembered?



At the beginning of the new year a whole lot of women make resolutions to change one thing or another. They have vowed to try something different to attract a partner or at least get a date.


But what if you don’t need to change? What if reinvesting in the real you is all the change you really need to make?  In other words, have you ever considered that the best “new and improved you” could actually be the old, authentic you?
Being authentic means embracing “the unimpeded operation of one’s true or core self in one’s daily enterprise,” and women who realize that the grass is not really greener on the over-hyped up side of the fence are leading the charge of  the authenticity movement.


Authenticity requires self-knowledge and self-awareness. You must be happy and comfortable with who you are – or at least who you were at one time. Men might seem like they like vulnerable needy women, but, trust me – that gets old in an instant. A confident self-aware woman makes the best friend, lover and conversationalist.


Being authentic in today’s conformist world can be tough. There are a lot of forces pulling you in different directions telling you consciously and unconsciously who and what you need to be to be attractive and successful.  Co-workers, friends, and even family will have you spinning around like a turnstile trying to be everything to everybody when, in reality, you need to be who you really are first and foremost.

The question is do you remember who you are and do you still like her? If the answer is yes, then dust her off and bring her back but not just back but bring her back better, faster, stronger. Bring “her” back with a vengeance.


Being authentic means re-embracing your values be they spiritual, financial, or social. The things you value are going to be what drive you and fuel your passion. They will be what another of a like mind is going to respond to. Men also love passionate women and you will be most passionate about what you value the most.


Being authentic will open you up to new thoughts, new perspectives and new people. As you grow yourself and your circle, the real you, the you that you love the most, will draw people to you, especially men. If you are creative but suppressed or shelved your creativity to be more corporate or maybe you lost your political activist-self in episodes of Real Housewives of Atlanta, get re-activated. Authentic people accept their strengths and weaknesses. They are accountable. They are connected to their values and desires and act deliberately in ways that are consistent with those qualities. Authentic women are dependable, consistent and sexy. What they say is what they mean and what you see is what you get plus more. Authentic women are tapped into what really makes them happy. They are beyond games and laser-focused on what is important to them.


In the new year get outside your box by digging yourself out of your box. Find and be the authentic you, everything old is new again.

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