Spring Forward for Work, Fall Back for Love

By Marc Alexander

 James Brown said “You pay the cost to be the boss” and when you are trying to get in and stay in a romantic relationship ladies, no truer words have ever been spoken.

 Pop culture, the media and respected tastemakers would have you believe being the boss or “a” boss is the only way to fame, bling and personal happiness.  I get it, especially for women, who start a step back in the gender/job/financial equity equation to begin with. Being “Marge-in-charge” is a must when trying to climb the socio-political ladders of most professions. You have to take ownership of your life and brand and not depend on any male to empower you or give you a stamp of approval because, a lot of times, you think men are thinking of you as equals only to learn they were being so helpful because they wanted to in twirl you romantically.

So again, I get the lioness-ness.  After all, nobody remembers employees – they remember bosses. But, being a boss is not always a good thing. Maybe being a labeled “a boss” really means that you are known for being inflexible, overbearing and or a micro-manager. Maybe your rise to fame has been peppered with power plays and take-no-prisoner scenarios that have left you incapable of acting any other way in any situation because you think, otherwise, some person or institution might get over on you. I’m here to tell you if you really want your man to put a ring on it, literally or figuratively, you might just have to fall back – at least a little.

Men love drive, ambition and focus. We love proactivity and effort, but a certain line does exist.  An unspoken realization occurs when those same positives become negatives and a woman’s actions quickly go from enticing to emasculating.

When it comes to women, all men like to have a sense of power. Not the power to coerce or dominate, but a power to protect and provide. No matter how evolved or metro-sexual a dude is, his innate inclination is to open doors, pull out chairs and do the things that a women expects a man to do.  We want to be the leaders. We want to automatically get in the driver’s seat and let you ride shotgun. It just feels and looks right.

Ladies, it is paramount  that you know that announcing that you don’t need a man – especially in the beginning of a relationship – can be, and usually is, a turn off. We understand that you have babies, lead nations and run a mile under four minutes flat, but men want to feel wanted for manly things.  So proclaiming that you can handle all of yours by yourself leaves us wanting to explore other options. I know it’s a fine line, but you have to find it and walk it in high heels (we really like high heels).

Nowhere is this less-is-more mindset more applicable than in the bedroom. Again: we like you to be proactive and focused. We like engagement and response.  But we don’t want an overbearing acrobat who’s directing the action like Steven Spielberg.

We prefer a sort of give and take in these situations.  Since guys like to take the lead, you ladies should enjoy being the hunted and the wanted. Now I’m not saying that if you know of a guaranteed or quicker way for you to, shall we say, “find your car in the mall parking lot,” you shouldn’t assist, I’m just saying being instructed every second on what to do and how fast or slow to do it, is a sure way to get gone.

As we all know, it’s a complicated world out there. These are busy and mercurial times both technologically and socially, and women get no special treatment simple for being women. In most cases, aggressiveness and fearlessness are positive attributes that are well-warranted. But in the man/woman/love exchange falling back ladies may be what you need to do if you want your love life to spring forward.

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