What He Wants: Healthy Relatonships

What He Wants: A Healthy Woman

By Marc Alexander

Everybody wants a “healthy” relationship. “Healthy” sounds rich, satisfying and oh-so-fulfilling. It sounds Cliff and Claire Huxtable-ish. It sounds solid and everlasting. How do you get and keep a healthy relationship if you’re not sure you are healthy yourself? Healthy – what is it? More specifically being healthy, what does it mean to you? Is being healthy being physically fit, disease free, ripped abs, thick hair and nice fingernails? Is physically fit the sum total of being healthy?

Of course not, healthy encompasses the physical and the mental. “Healthy” is subjective and I know plenty of people who either are morbidly obese, smoke, drink, and or do drugs and they will tell you they are perfectly healthy in spite of their vice. Of course those vices are time bombs waiting to explode.  I know people who are still holding on to pain and unresolved issues from relationships gone bad when Bill Clinton was in office. They would also tell you that they are perfectly healthy but they are not.


Being healthy is two-fold with each component being equally important. Are you mentally healthy? Do you have a good outlook on life or the future? Do you have a plan and things to look forward? Are you self-confident? Do you let go of negative things even if they were done to you specifically? I recently had a 39-year-old female friend who broke up with her boyfriend of a year because he cheated on her, say she’s done with men forever. I know that most of it is hyperbole but at her core she half believes what she says.  She’s angry and bitter for the moment but she has to let go and move on.

All men are not cheaters no matter what popular music and popular culture may say. There are plenty of good men around – I know a bunch of them. My friend must at some point let go of her hurt or she will carry that distrust and suspicion into her next relationship and it will be poisoned from the start. I understand that it may take some time, some wine and chocolate to get over that heartbreak. Being healthy is not easy, it takes discipline, maturity, and faith that somebody better is coming along. Healthy is leaving your baggage in storage, at home, or under a rock. As long as you go into the next relationship believing it’s going to work, if not then do yourself a favor and pump your brakes.

Being healthy is being physically fit. I wrote it before and I will write it again. Get into shape and stay in shape. You can use every excuse in the book about being busy or being “big boned” but when you wear that dress, skirt, or those jeans that fit you like they were made for you and you only. When men are bumping into things looking at you, it’s a win-win both physically and mentally.  Being healthy is also eating healthy which means weaning yourself of all that bad stuff that has tasted so good for so long and is so convenient. You have to find alternatives that are just as satisfying and a lot better for you. They may cost a little more, but in the long run, if you get healthier, what’s more worth it? Physical fitness is an outward manifestation of being healthy and will attract like-bodied men.

So once you’re healthy, how do you get and keep a healthy relationship? You put yourself in new positive situations around people, men especially, who are doing things you want to be doing. Join a book club or a workout group. Go to poetry slams or better yet start volunteering. Take long walks on the beach or at a park. I guarantee that once you get in a different mix, opportunities to connect will reveal themselves.

A healthy you will attract the healthy him and, ultimately, lead you both to a healthy life and relationship.

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