What He Wants: Keeping It Hot

By Marc Alexander

“Heat” is the desire to want to be with the person just because you are into them. Letting a relationship go stale is a slippery slope coated in the margarine of sameness and the olive oil of predictability. Making a stale relationship hot again is a very tough proposition – it’s almost impossible in my opinion. So keeping your relationship from getting slate in the first place is paramount.

Image courtesy of fanpop.com

Keeping a relationship hot is all about keeping it “Mack-ish,” or, in other words, being strategic with your “hot behavior.”  Good sex is a great big part of any successful relationship but it’s not the be all and end all. Even after sex a man wants-to-want to be with the person, not switch on the TV, read a book, or jump out of the damn window. I like a three-pronged approach to keeping it Mack-ish.

Prong One – Nothing puts the Kavorka (Seinfeldian for “whammy”) on a relationship faster than the loss of curves and the addition of folds, flaps, and flesh. Don’t fool yourself into thinking your man/husband doesn’t notice extra thickness around the middle – trust me he does. Try to always be in the best shape you can be. Seeing his woman/wife doing squats and lunges is super sexy to a man. No man will complain that you are too fit or too shapely; and trust me, men like other men being jealous of whom they are going home with. Eating and looking healthy is a win-win that will increase your sexy and will lead to better intimacy. Physical fitness is the gift that keeps on giving, over and over and over.



Prong Two –  Never get put into a box. Don’t be the same movie with the same plot and predictable ending. Throw a Hitchcock on him now and again. When he’s used to you going left go right. Cut your hair, try a new style of dress, and wear some different perfume. Make a suggestion to try a new place or activity or restaurant. Ask him about a new topic or his opinion about something you knew he’s into. Ask him about some new music, a new book or an independent flick. Keep him somewhat guessing as to what you are thinking about at all times. Be somewhat of a mystery. “Same ol’ same” is lame and boring.

Prong Three Don’t be thirsty. I know it’s a fine line between thirst and love, but you have to find it and walk it like a runway. Give him some space and time to want you. Hang out with your friends or enjoy alone time. If you are constantly checking in via phone and text you seem insecure. It may be or feel cute at first but after a while it’s annoying. Don’t make yourself super accessible. Even if you live together, be somewhere else sometimes so he has to come to you.

If he doesn’t live with you, you should not be at his beck and call. No unannounced drop-ins and no driving to him after ten o’clock at night more than once because then you maybe be in a quasi-relationship/booty call thing. Lastly, make every moment count. Don’t hang around because there’s nothing else to do and or you want to keep an eye on him. Dudes do what they are going to do no matter how much you think you are watching them. Always have your own agenda. When you are around, give him a reason to appreciate everything about you and then bounce to another room or back home. Always leave him wanting more.

Keeping it hot is all about your confidence, health and discipline. Keep your “you” game tight, and the heat will always be there for that one lucky guy to feel it.

Marc Alexander is a Los Angeles-based writer, photographer and purveyor of urban culture.

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