Take It Slow

By Drew Allen

Remember the story of the Tortoise and the Hare? They were running a race and while the hare shot out of the gate first, the tortoise ultimately came out on top.  The moral of the story: slow and steady wins the race.  The same is true for relationships. If you’ve got a new boo for the New Year and you’re wondering if you’re trying to move things along too quickly, then, chances are, you should probably pump the brakes.

Photo credit: George Hodan

It’s natural to be excited at the beginning of a relationship – that’s the honeymoon phase.  But if you want to get past the honeymoon to a commitment, then you may have to check yourself before you scare your potential groom away by moving too fast!

The “Getting to know each other” phase is important if you’re looking to build something real. After all, it’s during that process that you learn what buttons to push (and NOT to push), along with the interesting quirks and qualities that your man may not even know he has –  and you give him the opportunity to do the same with you.  The following four mistakes are common errors that many women tend to make early on that clip the wings of a relationship before it even gets off the ground.

If ever there was a DO NOT list, this is it:

#1 – DO NOT Make it too easy.  Guys like a chase and once you slow down and we know we’ve “caught you,” the entire game changes and we begin to look at you differently.  Especially in the early stages of the dating process, be sure to keep us actively in pursuit of you. If you don’t already have a life, get one – or at least pretend you have one!

#2 – DO NOT Cyber-stalk him. Double-texting, serial emails, multiple posts and messages on Facebook – if you have a tendency to come on too strong, then today’s technology may not be your friend. One text, email or whatever is cool – that lets us know you’re thinking about us, and when we get a chance, we’ll hit you back. But, if you can’t wait to let us respond before sending another message, your enthusiasm only screams “attention-seeker” and “desperation” and that is a huge turn-off.

#3 – DO NOT Pressure him. After one good date, you may have already envisioned yourself walking down the aisle in a white dress, but whatever you do, do NOT let him know that! Trying to label or define your relationship too early in the game is a misstep that many women make, yet the remedy is easy: relax. When you calm down and live in the moment, you may be surprised at just how much fun letting things unfold naturally can be.

#4 – DO NOT Read between the lines. Sometimes, early in a relationship, we may happen to drop by our buddy’s or our parent’s house while you happen to be in the car.  Maybe we have to pick up our mail from Mom, or we want to rub in our friend’s face how hot our new girl is. Take this at face-value, and don’t take it as anything else. When we’re serious about you, there won’t be any signals to look for or any code for you to crack – it will be obvious.

#5 – DO NOT Fake the funk. When you first start dating, both you and he will be on your best behavior.  That’s normal – it’s like a job interview:  you don’t let them see your habit of coming in 5 minutes late until after you get the job!  But there’s a huge difference between putting your best foot forward, and totally flipping the script. Pretending to be something you’re not doesn’t ever work because, at some point, the REAL you has got to show up!  So just be yourself from the gate and you can’t go wrong.

Take it slow – it’s not just a great recommendation from a song by John Legend. At the beginning of a relationship, it should be your mantra.  Men like a mystery, so like with any good mystery, if you want to keep things interesting  and moving foward, drop your clues slowly.

Remember, you can afford to take your time, because if you’re really supposed to be together, he’s not going anywhere – and neither are you.

Photo: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=23479&picture=forever-together

About the Author: Drew Allen is a former talk show host and writer originally from the Midwest. He currently lives in southern California.