(If he’s being honest)

By Marc Alexander

Ladies, during this wonderful tinsel toned holiday season, let me provide a way for you to avail yourself of the cost and brain work of finding yet another tie/sweater/chia pet for the man in your life.  Let me suggest giving presents with real impact. Here is a Christmas list from my Santa to yours. Any one of these gifts will #1 -forever embed you into his mind.  But given all together, these gifts will distinguish you as one of the most caring and giving women he has ever known.

1. Proactivity – Being proactive means doing something that’s necessary before being asked or even before it’s acknowledged that it’s needed. Having a plan is sexy if it’s for a trip, a workout or even for getting a cup of coffee. Men are notoriously challenged when it comes to planning. We freestyle everything from washing clothes to health care. A lot of times, we would rather deal with the consequences of inaction than tear ourselves away from the Steelers/Ravens game, which is dumb, but hey, it’s almost playoff time.  A partner who will plan something, remember to remind us to return a call or urge us to buy a stock while the price is low is a cherished team member who will be rewarded overly with love and affection. Proactivity is coming home to light candles and a dark house, an impromptu massage, or your favorite food without having to ask. Now who’s going to be against that?

2. Clarity – Specifically, clarity early in the relationship. Relationships are built on the precedents you set in the beginning, and making things plain to men is paramount to progress. If he knows exactly how you feel, what you want, if you like blankety-blank so-and-so, it’s on him if he gets it twisted. Mystery is cool when you are in role-playing mode, but when it comes to communication, it is a very high and treacherous hurdle.  Say what you mean and mean what you say. No matter how long it takes to get it through his beer and barbecue-addled brain, make sure he  is understanding what you are saying and why you are saying it. Make it plain so there’s no space for misinterpretation.

3. Honesty – This should go without saying, but if you have found that you have had to sugar coat things or tell half -truths to spare

his feelings then this is the gift for you.  Telling us that the bedroom move we got from Men’s Health is not working, or that we are wearing three different shades of black in the same outfit, is the gift that keeps on giving.  Honesty from the beginning of a relationship means you don’t have to remember anything you said because it has all been truth.  Being consistently realistic means he knows where to turn when he wants to know what’s really going on – good or bad.  From there, you can always move forward.

4. Brevity – Hit it and quit it.  Women hate when men tune them out.  You hate it like chapped lips and bad hair days. Being succinct and thorough in your messaging is a beautiful thing. When you get your point across in few words and your partner knows you mean it because you are employing both honesty and clarity, you will reach a new level of love. Getting your point across the first time you say it as opposed to becoming background noise is essential and will leave lots of space for continued conversation.

5. Clemency – The ultimate stocking stuffer. Ladies, to keep a relationship, flirt, fling or whatever moving forward is to give your partner clemency. Once you decide that you are going to forgive his past actions and move forward, then forgive his past actions and move forward. There’s no need to bring up past transgressions to hold over his head to win an argument or make him feel re-guilty-that’s only going to lead to resentment. Throwback Thursday is only for pictures, not for revisiting the time he was doing da butt with your cousin. Charge everything before the moment you decide to forgive him to immaturity or his mother, but by all means, keep it pushing forward. As we say in my fraternity, “Your future destroys your past.” You can’t do anything about whatever has already happened,but you can make tomorrow better.

There they are: 5 free things worth more than any jewelry or SUV you could give him. He may give you the side eye at first but years down the road he will thank you by still being with you.